“I just need a minute!” joked Zibby Owens of Mom’s Don’t Have Time to Read Books, after she confessed that she had recently been forced to retreat into the bathroom, where she climbed (fully clothed) into her empty bathtub and hid until her kids finally found her — just to get a minute alone. It’s a moment I’m sure many parents can relate to.
Once you have kids, finding any uninterrupted time in the day that’s just yours — to just be quiet, to just think, or to just get one small thing off your own to-do list — is really hard to come by. But it’s so essential. You don’t want to find yourself at the end of your rope, hiding in a closet or, like Zibby, in your own bathtub, just to get a minute to yourself.
Believe it or not, it is possible to buy yourself back some me-time after you have kids. You just have to be super organized and intentional about it. In other words, you don’t want to find yourself stealing the time. You want to build it into your family’s day. Here’s how:
Schedule a regular time
It may seem like overboard to schedule breaks into your day, but you don’t want to find yourself reactively scrambling for a minute alone whenever you hit a breaking point. Instead, choose two small chunks of time (think, 15 - 30 minutes max) when you can reliably enjoy a few moments to yourself. Be strategic about the times you select; you want to pick a time when everyone else in the household can reasonably be occupied on their own. And be sure to select at least two times per day. That way, if something pops up and one break gets derailed, you can still ensure that you always have at least one moment to yourself every day.
Set expectations
You want to get everyone on your team — your spouse, your kids and, if you’re working from home, even your colleagues. You want everyone to know: 11am - 11:30am is when Mommy [meditates, reads in the sunroom, works in the garden, insert activity of choice here] or, to your colleagues, when Brenda is unavailable and only to be contacted if the company is burning to the ground. To further mitigate interruptions, be sure to set the kids up with an activity — snack time, a craft, silent reading, etc. — that will keep them occupied while you’re unavailable. If you have younger kids, it can be helpful to use a visual aid, like a time timer, so that they can physically see the passing of time and more easily understand when you’ll be back.
Create a relaxing space
You know the sayings, “you are what you eat” and “dress for success”? The same logic applies here. Create a physical space in your life for the thing you love to do, and you’re more likely to actually do it — even if that thing is “spend 10 minutes alone.” You want to carve out a peaceful oasis for yourself, somewhere it is relaxing to just sit and be. Ten minutes of silence spent curled up in a cozy chair in the corner of your bedroom will be much more effective than ten minutes of silence spent in a messy living room, littered with toys that are begging to be picked up and put away. Use your space to your advantage.
Find fun that you can fit into your schedule
What activities instantly transport you to a place of pure joy and relaxation? Now brainstorm a 15 - 30 minute version of that activity that you can fit into your break. You want to have a short little menu of things that you can do: enjoy a sweet treat, curl up with a good book, meditate, listen to your favorite album, or just lie down quietly for a few minutes. Be wary of having too many options; this can overwhelm you. And whatever you do, be sure to plan your activity in advance. If you’re scrambling every day at 10:59am to work out how to best use your 30 minute break, it’s going to pass you right on by, guaranteed.
It may seem impossible to carve out any me-time to attend to your own wants and needs after you have kids. But with a little planning and forethought, it can be done. Ultimately, what’s good for your own mental health is also good for your children. So there’s no need to feel selfish or guilty. Reclaiming a few minutes to yourself everyday will not only make you feel happy and sane, it will allow you to show up better for your kids and in everything you do.