What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is the pressure we often put on ourselves to do things extremely well. True perfectionists tend to judge their performance in the starkest of terms: either they’ve done things brilliantly or they’re a complete disaster. In some settings — a difficult class in school or a challenging work environment — this drive can serve us well and earn us praise. But when applied to every single everyday task, perfectionism can sap the joy from your life, lead you to work yourself to the bone, and crush your ability to be present as you obsess about whether you did or will do a good enough job in each of your endeavors.
Bottom line: unbridled perfectionism will disrupt your capacity to experience contentment and joy.
Freeing yourself from the logistical burden and psychological paralysis of perfectionism liberates you to manage the wide scope and scale of everything you need to do and helps you stay grounded over the long haul. This is especially important in our current climate. Many of us have been forced to do new things or to learn to do old things in new ways. The drive for perfectionism can be so paralyzing, it expands an already difficult job into an impossible ginormous one. What’s more, you stand to lose out on a fantastic opportunity to reinvent (a process which often takes a bit of trial and error) along with the rest of the world.
Easy as it may be to understand why you must conquer perfectionism, figuring out how to do it can be a bit more complex. Perfectionism can be so ingrained in one’s nature, that telling a perfectionist not to be a perfectionist is like telling a cat not to chase a mouse or a fish not to swim. That’s where something I like to call selective perfectionism comes in.
Applying Selective Perfectionism with MAX-MOD-MIN:
With so many things to do every day, it’s easy to lose perspective and always think you have to do things par excellence. Perfection is a drive for safety — no fear of criticism or wrongdoing. Yet, the phrase “it doesn’t have to be perfect,” is relatively meaningless . . . what the heck does that mean, anyway? MAX-MOD-MIN is a tactical handbrake that slows you down enough to ask yourself: “Before I do this, what am I trying to achieve?” Then you can consider, “What’s a good enough job?”
Here’s how it works. For any task or activity that threatens to swallow you whole — or that you’re procrastinating because it’s so overwhelming to complete to perfection — define three levels of performance: Maximum (MAX), Moderate (MOD), and Minimum (MIN).
First, MAX. What is the maximum I can do? What does truly perfect look like? Write down, very specifically, all the actions you envision that would add up to the most stellar job. Next, ask what is the minimum I could do? (Yes, skip Mod-erate until the end.) Imagine you have run out of time, you can’t skip out on the task, but you need to do the most basic version that will still get the job done. Then, define MOD. What is something above the bare minimum, if you have a little more time to make it special, without going crazy?
Here are a few examples. Let’s say you are going to:
Improve Your Health and Fitness
• MAX: Buy a full set of weights and kettlebells; research the best, most effective home-work out videos; start a 30-day elimination diet, cutting out: sugar, dairy, caffeine, and alcohol
• MOD: Buy two 10 lb weights; find a youtube work-out video series that you enjoy; reduce your consumption of added sugar
• MIN: 15 minutes of movement every morning; eat more mindfully
Host a Virtual Bookclub
• MAX: Choose a book to read; mail each person a copy of the book, complete with: a note on why you think they’ll each enjoy it, a themed cocktail recipe for everyone to make and sip on during the meeting, a set of discussion questions to consider, and a list of ground rules for the meeting; send out an e-card invitation (including the zoom link) as a reminder the week before
• MOD: Create a new poll every month with a few new book suggestions for people to choose from; have everyone order their own books online; send out a warm email reminding everyone of the meeting date and time a week before, and attach a set of discussion questions you found online.
• MIN: Have everyone take turns choosing the book and order their own copies online; send out a meeting link five minutes before you’re scheduled to get together
Once you’ve defined three levels of performance, you can choose the one that’s most appropriate for the circumstances, the time you have available, and what else you have on your plate. Sometimes you’ll choose MAX, sometimes MOD, sometimes MIN. The muscle is breaking the all-or-nothing thinking that leads to overwork or paralysis, and recognizing you have options.