Sleep is a fundamental component of our lives. It allows us to reset, recharge, and refuel, so that we can make the most of our days. Unfortunately, with so much weighing on our minds, the last few months have thrown many of us off our sleep game. Not only is sleep an essential ingredient for daily productivity, it is a critical aspect of our mental and physical health as well — meaning now is just as good a time as any to get serious about the quantity and quality of our restful hours. But how?
Make a distinction between an “evening routine” and a “bedtime routine.”
While I was writing my most recent book, Time to Parent, I came across Baby Sleep Science, a website that offers insights for getting kids to sleep that apply equally well to adults. The site distinguishes between an “evening routine” — what you do to relax at night in general, which can be flexible and varied (sometimes a movie, sometimes reading a book, playing a game, or engaging in a hobby) — and a “bedtime routine,” which is the series of specific activities you do between the end of your evening routine and getting yourself into bed, ready to fall asleep.
The problem is, most people don’t make a distinction between the two — allowing their evening routine (watching netflix) to become their bedtime routine (falling asleep on the couch) — or skip an evening routine altogether — for example, switching from work right into cooking dinner and busying oneself with housework until it’s time for bed. Yet both routines are important and both serve a unique purpose. Your evening activities help you wind down and relax, allowing you to decompress and release the stressors of the day. Your bedtime routine, on the other hand, is what you do to get your mind and body ready for sleep, specifically.
Your bedtime routine should be the exact same steps every night, in the same order. You should begin the ritual at the same time every night and aim to start forty-five minutes to one hour before you want to be asleep.
Create a bedtime routine by sequencing three or four soothing activities.
Train your mind to make a habit of rest, by making subtle changes to the things you do before bed to give your body and mind the cues it needs to easily drift off to la-la land. Three or four simple and engaging activities will do the trick. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Unplug. Set an alarm to go off at least sixty minutes before bed, cuing you to shut down all devices. No more email, social media, online shopping, or cat videos. While we often turn to screens to unwind, research shows that the light they emit actually stirs us up.
Use your senses. Any sensory trigger that shifts the environment can announce to every cell in your body and mind, “We are entering wind-down mode.” Dim the lights, put on some mellow music, light candles, or use an aromatherapy diffuser, which sends scent signals that it’s time to chill out.
Do something creative and absorbing. Activities such as playing guitar, drawing, or knitting are productive forms of expression that help relax and refocus the mind on something other than your work-a-day worries.
Stretch and move your body. A walk after dinner or yoga and deep stretches before bed can help to relax the body and work out the kinks from the day.
Put on your pjs. Some people start their bedtime ritual by bathing, grooming, putting on their pj’s, or loungewear, and brushing their teeth; others save this self-care for last, right before getting into bed. Regardless of order, the purpose is to relax, cool off, and tell your body it’s time to sleep soon.
Put the house to bed. Walk around the house locking doors, turning off lights, and closing shades. Straighten the sofa pillows and bookshelves. Prep your space for the day ahead.
Put a bow on the day. Reflect on the day through prayer, meditation, or journaling. Think about what you learned and what you are grateful for. If you are upset with yourself for any reason, forgive yourself and feel grateful for recognizing an opportunity for growth.
Give yourself a bedtime story. Reading can be relaxing — but gravitate toward novels, short stories, poetry, or something peaceful that totally engages and transports you. The news, business, and how-to books are often too stimulating and intellectually demanding to be conducive to sleep.
Ensure that the activities you select are wholly peaceful and relaxing. In cultivating a bedtime routine sequencing three or four such activities, you will train your brain to prepare for sleep. A solid bedtime routine will soothe your mind and your body, allowing you to drift peacefully off to sleep once your head hits the pillow. No more counting sheep.